Wait, word problems? What is this, the SAT?

When dealing with the customers, you attempt to be polite and civil. No matter how stupid they become -- and as you've seen, and will see in the future, they can get pretty stupid -- you must remain nice and smiling. After all, the customers are your real boss; they pay your wage, if only indirectly.

But here's a sad fact: there are some questions that are impossible to answer without sounding like a smartass.

"I saw an ad in the newspaper, for your Bacon Cheddar Ham pizza?"
"Yes, sir."
"What comes on that?"
"On the Bacon Cheddar Ham?"
"Yeah."
"...Bacon...cheddar...and...ham?"

A woman called and asked about our buffet last night. The call came in at 7:41 p.m.

"What times does your buffet end?"
"8:00."
"Oh. So -- hmm. Can we still make it there?"
"...I'm sorry?"
"Well -- okay, listen. We live two minutes away. Can we make it there on time?"
"Um...if you're two minutes away... and you've got nineteen minutes..." I trailed off, because I couldn't think of a way to finish the sentence without sounding like a smartass. Unfortunately, she couldn't come with me on the leap of logic.
"Yeah, I guess we can't. Okay, thank you!" *hangs up*
"...?!"

And then there's this special guy, also from last night.

"I want to get your meat lover's pizza, but I only want beef."
"Only beef?"
"Yeah, I'm allergic to pork."
"So, no pepperoni, no sausage, no Italian sausage, no Canadian bacon, and no bacon."
"Right. A meat lover's with just beef. What do you call that?"
"...A pizza with beef."