On Monday, a friend of mine and I decided to order some pizza. Just like everyone else, we didn't go for Pizza Place -- I got online and ordered from Pizza Conglomerate. My friend wanted beef, bacon and extra cheese on his pizza; I opted for chicken, bacon and jalapeños on mine.
Not more than three minutes after finalizing and sending my order from their website, an entirely too cheerful employee of Pizza Conglomerate called me. "I'm sorry, sir," she said, "but we're out of bacon." My friend and I conversed, and we each decided to replace the bacon on our pizzas with pepperoni. "Okay!" the employee squeaked, and hung up.
A few minutes later, she called me back. "I'm sorry, sir," she said, failing to withhold a giggle, "but we're also out of chicken."
"Hmm," I said. "Do you have...Canadian bacon?"
"No, we're out of Canadian bacon."
"Well, in that case...in that case what do you have?"
"We have everything except bacon, chicken, Canadian bacon, green peppers, sausage, green olives, and black olives." By my math, that leaves beef, Italian sausage and onions.
I settled for Italian sausage. And the knowledge that despite our antipathetic managers, mentally challenged wait staff, and a delivery driver who so hates his own customers that he's started a website devoted to calling them stupid (Hi!), Pizza Place is somehow better than Pizza Conglomerate.
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